The Girl With The Charizard Doll

I need to be drinking water… So why is there a Mtn Dew in my hand?

Dear friend,

We’ve drifted a lot over the years as we’ve both changed but surprisingly, it hasn’t been painful or anything. It’s been a nice smooth downhill ride and right now we’re kind of leveled out. We still see each other every week at chick-fil-a and we still hang out occasionally. It wasn’t a major fight that started sending us different ways. We never really fought much anyway though we often disagreed. It was just because we both changed so much. Especially you. Not that it’s a bad thing… But I kind of miss the old days.

Do you remember? Every week when we’d scurry up the chick-fil-a playground tubes to the top? We’d sing silly songs and make up chants that went along with secret handshakes. We’d always hide from the boys, our brothers, and pretend they were little monsters. Heh. We still do sometimes. Do you remember playing mother may I? And all the other games we made up? You were so into animals. We both LOVED dogs and bonded over that. I remember crawling around the playground floor on our hands and knees when we played wolves and dogs. Alissa was always a cat for some reason… Our conversations were always about how annoying our brothers were, movies and tv shows, and just silly random things. They’re usually not anymore.

Some things still haven’t changed. We still go to chick-fil-a. We still order kid’s meals and trade the toy in for ice cream. We still have sleepovers and laugh and joke. We still think our brothers are annoying.

Sadly, a lot of things have changed. Slowly you started talking about all this different kind of music. Your mind was awakened to a world of media. Music videos, celebrities, magazines. You knew your celebrity gossip well. Your obsessions changed every few weeks or so… And your parents didn’t mind. Then you dyed your hair tochanged things up. And when your grandmother passed away and you inherited even more money than you had, you started buying a lot of new things. Every time I see you, you’ve got something new to show me. As much as I hate to say this, I’m actually kinda jealous. You’ve got my dream room. Replica swords hanging on the wall, a map of middle earth, a lightsaber like the one from the movie, a huge bed, and a closet packed full of the coolest clothes and shoes. I have no clue how you get to wear all of that…

You know what though? We’re still friends. True, I’ve got my theatre friends and you have yours. But every tuesday night, when we sit at our usual table, and eat our usual kids meals, it’s just like old times. I’m so glad we are still friends. I can’t promise you we always will be, that’s up to you. But for now, we’re tight like Adam Lambert’s pants. Luv you!

-Rock on my friend

Dear you two,

I was a jerk. Simple as that. I was a jerk and I didn’t even know it. I was off on 8-year-old adventures while you two were going through some really tough times. I didn’t notice we were drifting. Everything was fine and dandy in my mind. You didn’t tell me what was going on but then again, I didn’t ask. I hadn’t been there enough to earn the right to know. I wish you had just told me I wasn’t being a good friend. That I was pretty much ignoring you. But it’s not your fault in the least. It was mine. I was ignorant and oblivious. I thought I could balance things but the truth is, I was letting your end of the scale sink lower and lower. I never meant to, I hope you know that. Like I said, I was completely clueless the entire time. Until it was too late… I had blown it. Missed my chance to be there for you. Those sleepovers we had where you seemed distant? It’s because you actually were. Even then I ignored it. I thought you were just having a bad night or had a lot on your mind. I’m sure I asked what was wrong but I never got an answer. Then I just went back to dancing.

I’m glad you finally told me. I’m glad you called me up and said “Hey, we need to talk.” I felt completely terrible as you relayed how you felt. I felt like scum. Like a horrible friend. But you were so forgiving. You were willing to forget the past and move on. To get back to the way things used to be now that I was awakened of my mistakes. So the truth is, you’ve mostly already forgiven me. But I’m still having trouble forgiving myself. I want to be the most loyal friend to you and I’m determined to earn back your trust. I’m glad we’re kindred spirits once again. I won’t let what happened in the past happen again, you have my word. I love you guys! So very much. And nothing will ever change that.

-Forever your faithful friend

• I’m really nervous about the Peachtree Road Race… Not sure if I’ll be able to build up enough endurance before then.
• I’ve been drinking only water until the race. I keep having cravings for sweet tea and soda. Healthiness is no fun…
• I don’t want to have kids when I grow up. Sure, I’ll probably change my mind when I’m older but right now I really don’t want kids. I wouldn’t be able to handle them.
• I really wish I could draw well. Last night I drew my feelings out into a picture/comic for the first time. It portayed what I wanted ok but the picture wasn’t that great.
• I’m kinda dissapointed with myself and my lack of motivation.
• I’m super excited for the new Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword game coming out this year! I’m a big zelda fan but I’ve never actually played a game all the way through for myself. I play them sometimes but I mostly like watching other people play and offering suggestions.
• Facebook games are addictive…
• Speaking of adictions, I’m practically addicted to sunflower seeds.
• I wonder if we’re going to watch more LOST tonight?
• Pokemon is better than digimon.
• I hate getting stuck in videogames.
• I didn’t go running today and now it’s too dark. =\
• I had a dream last night that my school was at the whitehouse. I thought the seniors who had just left last year were going to be jelious.
• I’m actually really excited for the upcoming schoolyear. Besides the best teachers leaving or not teaching drama club anymore and half of my friends not coming back.
• Having a crush on someone is probably the worst curse any girl can have
• My little brother is a lot like me… Am I really that annoying?
• I need to apply more nail polish so I’ll stop biting my nails. I have no patience when it comes to letting that stuff dry though.
• Guys have it easier than girls. I thought at first we were equal but they really have it easier.
• I didn’t accomplish anything on my to do list today
• Iiiiiii pretty much sorta kinda with all my heart love this girl named Sundra. =)
• The End

Dear Heart-Breaker,

You didn’t cause me any pain directly, but rather indirectly. Because of how much pain you caused my friend, my heart was broken. My heart was broken for my friend who I could do nothing for except listen and try to offer comfort. But my words were useless because of your words. Like a fire trying to warm a frozen victim while it’s pouring rain. That rain, the words that you used to tear her down until she just couldn’t take it any more, was completely unnecessary. But you persisted for your own selfish reasons. You were deaf to the truth. You created drama that is going to be a part of my friend’s life forever. You don’t know how hard it is to sit by and watch someone take blow after blow without being able to come to their rescue. I was relayed in detail the battle but could do nothing except watch while my friend fought on her own. Against stubborn you. But guess what? I don’t hate you. In fact, I forgive you. For now anyway. But don’t you dare mess with my best friend’s heart again. Or I’ll find a way to get into the battle this time and I’ll be ready to fight.

Sincerely,

I’m watching you

Dear Jim,

You were my dad’s father. I’ve heard lots of stories about you. I never got the chance to meet you. My mom was pregnant with me while you were still alive. You knew that I was going to be born but nothing else. You didn’t even get the chance to know that I was a girl before you passed away. I miss you. Even though I’ve never met you. I know we’d get along well even though I’m sure you’d probably tease me. I’ve heard so many times that my dad is a lot like you. So in a way, you’ve left part of you behind. And I’m glad you did because my dad is the greatest. He still says quite a few of your old sayings. Like when I ask what time it is, my dad will say “It’s time all dogs are dead, aint you glad you a pup?” Or when he’s angry he’ll say his famous “John brown it!” I’m assuming you must have said that to him a lot. I still don’t know what it’s supposed to mean but I find it kind of funny. I heard you like hot sauce, just like my dad. When I was younger, I used to fantasize about me, you, and my dad all eating a bunch of spicy stuff together. Just because we were all alike and enjoyed hot stuff. A famous story I’ve been told a couple times is when you dared my dad to eat a raw egg. He said he would if you did and sure enough, he ate it. But you didn’t keep your end of the deal because you thought it was too gross. *laughs* I don’t blame you.

My dad’s not an outgoing, people person like I’ve heard you were. It would have been interesting to meet a loud version of my dad. But I feel like I can see a lot of you in him. The way my dad jokes around, his funny sayings and phrases, his manly laugh, his smile, the way his eyes crease when he’s happy, his love for children, and his playful teasing. I’m sad that I didn’t get to know you but I’m so thankful you’ve left your son to be the head of my family. I can’t wait to see you in heaven one day. Have a Happy Father’s Day Pawpaw!

-The granddaughter you’ve never met

Dear People,

I’d definitely like to start talking to you more. But I don’t consider myself a very talkative person. It’s not that I’m shy, I just don’t usually have a lot to say. I’m not up to date with the latest music, movies, or celebrity gossip so if that’s the conversation subject I might just sit back and listen. Some subjects I’m pretty much guaranteed to join in on are videogames, the end of the world, dating, or philosophy. Basically anything that required opinions and debate. I absolutely love to argue. Not in a way that would hurt anyone or requires raised voices, I don’t want to fight. I just like it when someone else has a different opinion than me and I get to try to convince them that my viewpoint is better. It’s not always though and don’t worry, if I realize I’m wrong I’ll usually admit you’ve won. So don’t get offended if I start to argue, I only mean it out of fun and good conversation.

Anyway. I’ll try and talk more to you instead of just sitting or standing there next time. But if you feel like it, go ahead and be the first to speak. Sometimes I don’t feel the need to since I’m content with my own thoughts. But there are lots of times when I wish I had someone to talk to. I can only get so far by myself before I need another person’s input. I think it would be cool to life back during Pride and Prejudice times where making polite conversation was how people passed the time. So I’ll try and start talking more. The kind of talking that doesn’t involve arguing.

Sincerely,

More of a Thinker

To My Future Husband,

I know this is impatient of me to say you’re the person I wish I could meet but I really couldn’t think of anyone else. There’s not a celebrity or great person in history that I thought would benefit me enough to want to waste my one person on. I was going to say Jesus but I can already meet with Him anytime, just not in the flesh. So yes, Jesus in the flesh would be ideal, but I’ve decided to write another letter to you.

You have my heart, without even knowing it. I’m waiting for you. Patiently. I thank God that He gave me patience but I still can’t wait forever. I’m very excited to meet you someday. I can’t wait to tell our kids all about how we first met, our first kiss, how you proposed, and how special our wedding was. That is, if we even decide to have kids. I’m still undecided myself but I have plenty of time to think about that much later. I have no clue what you’re like but it doesn’t matter to me. I’ll love you nomatter what you look like, or how numerous your flaws are. God knows we’ll be together. That we’re perfect for each other. We’re each like a puzzle piece. Have you ever put together a puzzle and two of the pieces fit together but the pictures don’t match up? You and I will match perfectly. We’re designed for each other. My weakness may be your strength. What you need in a woman is what I want to be for you. Having you in my life will be my greatest adventure. Together we’ll love, learn, and pour over God’s word. If I never grow up to become someone famous who’ll leave a legacy, that’s fine with me. I just want to leave this world knowing that I’ve loved and have been loved. Wherever you are, however many mistakes you’ve made, just know I love you. Nothing will ever change that. I promise. It may be a long time before our actual meeting but know this: all of me is yours and I’m waiting faithfully for you. You can find me holding God’s hand until I’m meant to hold yours.

Praying for you,

Your Girl Only

Dear friend,

We mostly only talk on facebook chat or through texting so that’s why I’m calling you my favorite internet friend. You’re a really cool person, it’s too bad we don’t live closer. It’s always interesting talking to you. I find it funny how we always seem to discuss converse at least once every conversation. You’re super creative. Like, I’m amazed at all the stuff you make and do. You’re also just a really great person. I remember once when I was up late and having a terrible night. I didn’t really want to bother anybody but I somehow ended up talking to you. We didn’t and still don’t know each other really well but you didn’t mind talking to me and helping me cheer up. Hah… Thinking back to how I first got to know you? It was when we were fighting over a friend on that facebook “friends for sale” app. Then we had a conversation about Zelda games and that pretty much sealed the deal. Instant friend-dom. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have been introduced to Andy Mckee who I now listen to just about every Wednesday night that I’m up late doing school. It helps to chase away the “sound of silence”. Something you understand as well as me. I’m glad I got to know you and I always look forward to our conversations.

-Your friend and fellow Zelda fan

After one of my friends broached the subject, I had been interested in confirming the myth: Do you really feel a special “zing” when you kiss the person you love? Songs and movies mention it so often, I thought it must be true. Or partially true at least. Most myths do evolve from a truth.

So I asked my question to a woman more experienced in the game of Love than me: My mom. According to her, there is definitely a zing when you kiss someone you love. I didn’t ask for details due to the fact that I didn’t want my mom thinking I was interested in kissing just yet… But at least I know it’s all true. There is in fact some sort of special “spark” or “zing” when you kiss the person you love.

My contentness soon diminished as a different conversation was started based off of a new question: Is it possible to fall in love with more than one person? I had always hoped not. I wanted for it to be infatuation maybe with different guys and then BAM! True love with your designated life partner. Sadly, my hopes were crushed. According to my mom, it’s completely possible to fall in love with the wrong guy. Deep down I guess I knew it could happen. I just didn’t want to admit it. All hope is not lost though! You may not be able to tell who your future spouse is supposed to be based on whether you really fall in love with them or not, but there is no need to worry. Given enough time, thought, and especially prayer, you’ll be able to tell whether they’re the one you want to spend the rest of your life with or not. It’s all about handing the pen to God and allowing Him to write your love story. Rather than you trying to scribble it out on your own. Sometimes God likes to take His time though. So patience is a key quality you must require if you want to play the Love game right. For instance: Do you know who Kevin and Taylor in the morning are? On the fish? Well, today Kevin was describing how he met Tracy, his wife. He had taken an interest to her from the time they met in highschool but she had only wanted to be friends. Kevin waited on her for years before finally deciding to move on because Tracy was engaged to another man. It was then that Tracy went down to his beach house and told him she had broken off her engagement. Why? Because she knew in her heart that Kevin was The One.

So don’t worry about finding love or how you’re going to know if they’re The One. Have faith in God and He will bring your perfect match to you.

Dear Ex-Crush,

Well this is weird… I saw my next letter was supposed to be to you and I litterally said aloud, “Oh great…” Nothing against you, you’re fine. But I don’t really care about writing a letter to someone I used to have a crush on. I was so thankful when I had rid my mind of those involuntary feelings. I’m pretty sure I danced around my room with joy when they were gone. Once again, it’s not you, I just didn’t and don’t want to have a crush on anyone. But congrats, you were pretty much the only person I really had a crush on. And I hated every second lol. I probably bugged Caroline about it way too much. It’s just that you caused me a LOT of frustration. Or, rather, my feelings did. I didn’t understand them at all and trying to figure them out only confused me more. I litterally just sat there trying to solve the puzzle. I thought that if I could figure it out, it would go away. But it didn’t. For a while. I got several lame poems out of it but it so wasn’t worth it. Not that I could have helped it. I highly doubt you ever knew. In fact, I pray that you never know. I was embarassed… I didn’t mean to have a crush. I really don’t know how it happened. You’d think that it was because I spent too much time trying to understand it! But TRUST me: I tried compleeeeetely ignoring it multiple times. It didn’t go away. You know how when the clock hits 11:11 people make a wish? And most girls would wish for the guy they liked to like them back. Not me. I wished that I wouldn’t have a crush at all lol. That wish was also my prayer a couple times. Having a crush was just too much of a distraction. Plus I didn’t want to have a romantic interest/infatuation with any guy while I’m only in highschool.

I’m sure it wasn’t as bad as I made it out to be. But it was a genuine crush, that’s what annoyed me. And I didn’t choose to have it, or on you. But I guess that’s the way crushes are. They’re normal too, most everybody has them. So I don’t feel as bad. You really should feel special though. I have high standards and somehow my emotions decided to crush on you. If I could go back in time and find a way to prevent it though, I would have. Still, you’re a pretty cool guy and I wish you luck in the game of Love and in life. Thanks for…. Um… Eh, I got nothing, sorry. Over and out, my friend!

Sincerely,

Hoping you’ll never know

Dear Stranger,

Hello good sir or madam. You probably don’t remember me; I was the one that completely ignored you as I passed by. Or maybe, if our eyes met, I offered a smile and a slight head dip just to be polite. Am I required to speak to you though? Not trying to be rude here… But I just assume that if someone doesn’t speak to me first then they don’t care to talk at all. I know, I know. I should probably get over that and be the first to engage conversation. But see-I’ve grown up being told not to talk to strangers and that the world is a dangerous place. You may not be dangerous but how am I to know who is, and who isn’t? So you see my dilema now, do you not? If you’re a stranger who signs up for my school or is walking in the halls at my church then sure, I might get to know you. But random people on the streets or in the mall don’t usually care to get to know each other. And who would dare break tradition? (That was a hint of sarcasm btw… In case you didn’t catch that) I don’t consider myself all that interesting but anyone new is I suppose. So if you really feel like it, go ahead, start up a conversation with me. I’m a good question asker usually so our convo most likely won’t die. I’m sure I’d love to get to know you.

Sincerely,

Just another stranger

So I was thinking… What’s the point of attraction? Hold on, let me explain myself. I’m talking about attraction to a random person you don’t know, or maybe don’t know all that well. The pointless-seeming, involuntary attraction to someone you may never meet or get to know well. I can see the need for attraction to someone of the opposite gender after you’ve gotten to know them and have spent time with them. But random people? Really? Honestly, I can’t think of a single explanation for that. Except that humans’ emotions are unexplainable, random, and cannot be figured out like a puzzle. Which I hate. Because I like puzzles and often times treat everything as such. So you can imagine my frustration when it doesn’t even have an answer… Heh. That’s probably one of the reasons I have trouble trusting God. It’s sad, I know, but I like to know things and obviously when it comes to God’s plan, we know practically nothing about it. My need to figure things out is so bad that I still haven’t given up on trying to imagine what heaven is like. Want to hear my theory so far? I think when we first get there we’re going to just stare in awe of God’s glory. We’ll sing His praise, dance, and never stop smiling. Then, after the appocalypse and everything’s done, when there’s heaven on earth, we’ll sorta return to normal life. But it’ll be life without sin. Basically it’ll be like it would have been if Adam and Eve had never fallen prey to sin in the Garden of Eden. So if you didn’t get a chance to meet and marry your soul mate then you’ll continue that process on heaven on earth. (Because marrying and having a family before Jesus comes back to Earth seems to be a concern on most young people’s minds. Or maybe that’s just girls…)

Anyway. That’s something I’m working on. Trusting God and leaving it all to Him, without having to know the details. But there are still tons of things He’s left for us to figure out here on Earth. Plenty of riddles and puzzles that we’re supposed to solve. And I intend to solve them. =)